Once again, hard to watch

Has anyone else puked-up their orange and brown pride after trying not to watch another Sunday choke-job?

Game after game, season after season, decade after decade. Same story, different players on the field. Different personnel on the sidelines. What do they call doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result? Oh yeah, crazy, nuts, insane. Well the Browns coaching staff and front office is just that. The stadium sound team should snag a copy of Cypress Hill's 'Black Sunday,' because every Sunday is just that. "Who you tryin' to get crazy with, esse? Don't you know I'm loco?"

The Browns may only be 2-3 (which isn't too bad, considering we still face a somewhat laughable schedule), but this team could very well be 0-5 right now if it weren't for a) Peyton Manning's neck, and b) Jason Taylor's defensive offside penalty.

a) Let's face it: if Peyton Manning is healthy, Indy destroys Cleveland.

b) Think back to the Miami game. Browns are driving late in the 4th, down 16-10. They have 1st-and-10 at MIA 27. McCoy incomplete pass short left to Smith. 2nd-and-10 at MIA 27. McCoy incomplete pass short right to Smith (AGAIN!). 3rd-and-10 at MIA 27. McCoy incomplete pass short middle to Cribbs. But wait! Miami's Taylor is called for defensive offside, 5-yard penalty, replay 3rd down. 3rd-and-5 at MIA 22. McCoy completes a short pass to Moore for an 8-yard gain, first down. Had it been 4th-and-10, it would have been a turnover on downs. Next play, McCoy hits Massaquoi for a 14-yard-score and the Browns win on Phil Dawson's PAT, 17-16. Thank you Jason Taylor!

So yeah, the Browns are 2-3 but could easily be 0-5. The offense it THAT horrible! Where's the scotch. SOMEBODY GRAB THE SCOTCH!

I can stand the Texas Longhorns about as much as any Clevelander can stand the Miami Heat these days. Don't know exactly why, but I just can't stand 'em. Hated Vince Young. Hated Colt McCoy. He chumped-out in the big games, couldn't take a big hit, and really only excelled in college because his offensive line and receiving corps were blue chippers and it was at a time when Big 12 defenses were weak (still are).

But McCoy was eventually drafted by the Browns and because of that fact alone, I had to find a reason to like the guy. Only reason I could come up with was the fact that he was a Brown ... and as a Browns fan, you gotta back your team and stick up for its players. I mean, there's always a glimmer of hope that we will return to the glory years of the 1980s, and you MUST be on the bandwagon all the way, through thick and thin.

One thing I don't like about McCoy from an NFL quarterback standpoint is his size. The dude is small. He looks like Dustin Pedroia in pads (except that I doubt McCoy can grow any facial hair). In the long-term, I just don't think he can cut it as an NFL quarterback. He's Brady Quinn with a little less muscle and a little more finesse. He's Tim Couch with a little less raw talent and a little more smarts.

McCoy's tale of the tape is barely 6-1 and 215 drippin' wet. Actually, all the Browns quarterbacks are tiny. Thaddeus Lewis is 6-2, 200. Seneca Wallace is 5-11, 205. The average height of the Browns offensive line (Joe Thomas, Jason Pinkston, Alex Mack, Shawn Lauvao, Tony Pashos and Ben Watson) is 6-5. That make's McCoy's height a problem.

Look at other quarterbacks around the league. There are only a few exceptions (Michael Vick, Drew Brees and Aaron Rogers), but for the most part, successful QBs are bigs. Tom Brady, Eli Manning, Matt Hasselbeck and Matt Cassel are 6-4. Matt Schaub, Ben Roethlisberger, Philip Rivers and Cam Newton are 6-5. Heck! Joe Flacco is 6-6. (side note: thinking about next year's draft, as Browns fans always do ... Andrew Luck is 6-4).

I don't know what it is exactly. Maybe it's his size. Maybe it's the play calling. Maybe it's the other guys on the field. But one thing's for certain, ever since McCoy became Cleveland's QB1 we haven't been able to effectively pass the football. Maybe he's better off with the clipboard and headset.

When the game plan keeps McCoy in check and he attempts less than 40 passes per game, the Browns are 4-5. When he attempts more than 40 passes, the Browns are 0-4.

Someone send Mike Holmgren a memo already!

I can picture meetings between front office personnel and the Browns coaching staff and they never look good. Picture a long boardroom table in a nice plush conference room, all the top dogs are in there (Tom Heckert, Jon Sandusky, Joe Sheehan, etc.). All the relevant coaches are in attendance. Suddenly Pat Shurmur appears in the doorway and announces, "Standbyyyyyy ... annnnnnnd nowwwwwwww, [gestures with hand] please rise for the honorable Michael George Holmgren." Then Holmgren walks into the room and everyone stands up like it's General Patton waltzing in wearing full uniform with combat helmet. "Please be seated."

I picture Shurmur standing off to the side and gazing toward Holmgren with goo-goo eyes, as The Man commands the attention of the room, much like Reed Rothchild admiring the presence of Dirk Diggler at Jack's pool party.

Then Holmgren announces that despite all the media hoopla, "We're sticking to our guns. We're sticking to what works in this league. West Coast-style!" Then he throws up the fingers like Snoop Dogg in the 'Gin and Juice' video, and exits the meeting.

All the coaches nod their heads up and down in agreement, as if hypnotized. Shurmur offers a blank stare and smiles as The Man exits the room, while defensive coordinator Dick Jauron slams his fist on the table in disgust.

I tend to agree with my buddy Ryan Gilkerson who said after the Browns lost to the Raiders Sunday, that the Hillis illness (Week 3) and hamstring (Week 6) are phantom injuries. He stated that it's obvious Holmgren and Shurmur's game plan is a West Coast-style offense. Knowing this, and realizing that his carries will be limited, it's apparent that Hillis isn't going to go all-out and give it 100 percent on Sundays. Any why would he?

He's playing for just above the league minimum salary. Let's say he goes all-out and shines (in a limited role). He racks up a string of games that are about 12 carries for 55 yards. Solid work. Yet no matter what, his free agency stock will drop significantly at season's end. So why put it all on the line when you can get nothing good out of the deal? Right? Save your body and have your agent point back to the 2010 campaign when it comes time to sign the new contract. And as a retaliation for Hillis being so disgruntled, the Browns staff looks as though they are benching him in favor of Hardesty in the limited RB1 role, with the majority of the plays still calling for dump passes from McCoy.

Only thing is, those dump passes ain't workin'.

What does work is Peyton Hillis. Since he became the featured back last year, the Browns are 0-9 when he carries the ball less than 15 times. When he exceeds 15 carries they are 6-5. Mediocre, for sure. But I'll take it over 0-9.

So why not scratch the lousy playbook, sign Hillis to a 3-year extension at, say $15 million, and put the big 4-0 in the backfield with 20 touches per game? It's not rocket science. It's called smash mouth football. And smash mouth football, built around a solid running game and a stifling defense is what Cleveland Browns football is all about. It's what carried the team to success in the 1960s (Jim Brown) and 1980s (Earnest Byner and Kevin Mack). What this storied franchise needs is to realize that Hillis is good enough to carry the load. He proved it last year. And he can continue to prove it if they give the guy a chance.

One thing is for certain, McCoy is surely not the answer.

Browns & Bucks...not much luck

In my humble opinion, the Browns should be 0-4 right now.

Think of it this way:

We got worked by the lonely (Yet 3-2) Bengals week one. That was a game I surely had us slated to win. No chance could the Bungles, led by rookie QB Andy Dalton, come into Cleveland and take us out. Well, they did. Insert balloon deflating .wav file here.

In week two, we went head to head with the artists formerly known as the Indianapolis Colts. No Peyton Manning means they are the Colts of yesteryear.

- side note, I hate espn.com - could they preload ANY MORE video that just plays when you hit their site? That's obnoxious. They should be fined.

The Colts are in shambles due to the neck injury to Peyton Manning. I personally don't think that Manning will play another down in the NFL, or even in a lame backyard football commercial where he yells at kids. Nope, I think he's going to hang up his cleats, and retire with the Biggest Forehead in NFL History. You heard it here first.

Week three, the Browns returned home, and the barbaric crowd washed up on the shores of Muni Lot. The Browns winning on a last second Cris Carteresque TD in the corner of the endzone was overshadowed by pantsless fights and in the open oral in Muni Lot. Stay classy, Cleveland. Without last second heroics (by MoMass and the woman in the Muni oral video), I don't think the Browns deserved a W in this game. One inch either way, and we lose. (That's what the guy in the Muni oral video said.)

Week four we looked like the Little Sisters of the Poor vs Tennessee. With a Golden Buckeye yielding QB in Matt Hasselbeck, and a sudden Travis Prentice wannabe in Chris Johnson, how could the Browns lose, right? Well, we suddenly drank the Hardesty Kool Aid that maybe next year he'd be on the cover of Madden, and oh yeah, we forgot how to tackle. The Browns looked like the boys from Varsity Blues after they partied at the strip club the night before a game. When the Browns were walking off the field, all I could think was, "I don't want your life". Well, maybe I do, but whatever. My life is pretty solid as I'm typing. I have some leftover Buffalo Chicken Dip in hand from last evening, and my fiance is out shopping. In my house, on Sundays, everybody wins. Even you, stop by anytime.

Speaking of Buffalo, they are 4-1 and atop their division. (They sit above New England because they beat the pouting Patriots. I love seeing Tom Brady with the quiver lip when he walks off a field.)

How about them Lions? A perfect 5-0? Somebody alert the Pilgrims and Indians, we may actually be able to enjoy Thanksgiving football this year. I really hope I didn't just jinx it. If they can keep this play up, I don't know about you, but I'm lugging my TV Tray with me to Thanksgiving. Believe dat!

The Dream Team Eagles are 1-4, along with the now Tebow lead Broncos. Nobody cares about their record except Agent 53.

Miami is 0-4. I say karma. They should do themselves a favor and boot that poser SheBron out of town. Trust me, the guys a cancer, and a proven loser. I blame his 'karma' for the NBA Lockout as well. I keep seeing lemmings (aka major sportscasters) Tweeting about 3Quarters James playing in the NFL. If an NFL team wants a guy who gives up on his team, plays only when he feels like it, and can't finish a game, trade for Albert Haynesworth. At least Haynesworth's mom isn't a train wreck. Or is she?

The Ohio State Buckeyes may have the WORST NCAA Division 1 Offense I've ever seen. We completed 1 pass yesterday (albeit a touchdown) and ran the ball 50+ times. Ground and pound or lack of a good noodle to hurl the pigskin? Jury is out, but I'm not sipping that Kool Aid, sorry Mrs. Braxton.

Michigan lost. All is now right with the world.

I have been Tweeting quite a bit during Browns games. You can find me @KidSalty

The only reason I updated this blog today is because Private Jake Walsh keeps busting my marbles that it's not updated. The guy moved to Hilton Head, SC and watches the games at Street Meet (Browns Backer Bar, much love!). The poor guy moved in with a Steelers fan down there, so things may get dicey come Week 14 and Week 17. I have a feeling David Camma will be locking Walsh in a room for a few hours those weeks.

Can we also give a big F- to the NFL Scheduling Committee. Really? We play the Steelers in Week 14 and then in Week 17? Why not just play a double header and save the travel time, costs and fuel. What a joke.

That's all the time for now...til next time...