Back In Time; The Old School

by Shawn Conley

I was thinking to myself last night as I was booting up my Xbox 360, how come this takes so long to load up. The thought has entered my mind many of times as I sat down with a nice cold Pepsi to play the latest and
greatest video game. I mean I have to sit here and wait for the system to boot up, then I need to tell the dumb thing to play the game disk, then I have to wait for the game to boot up, then I sit there and hit start at least 40 times just to get to the menu. Once at the menu, I need to sign in my profile, then I have to select the saving device either hard drive or
memory card, then it has to load the save game, so ten minutes later I am finally playing my desired game.
What am I getting at? I don’t know just rambling. But I do remember those days when I would take close to 30 or 40 minutes blowing in a dang cartridge, banging on my Nintendo Entertainment System, taking out a Q-Tip
with alcohol and grinding that solution into the bright golden teeth. Only to finagle the cartridge in, push it down and then receiving the blinking
red light of death. Nowadays everything has to happen NOW. If it takes more then 3
seconds for my cell phone to load the ‘New Message’ screen for a text, I get frustrated. The Internet, don’t get me started. I am ready to reboot if it takes more than 5 seconds to load the dang google.com site. It was simpler times back then. I mean I could sit down right now,
take Super Mario Brothers, and still play through it like riding a bike. I remember every time to jump, where all the hidden coins are, and the 1-Up mushrooms. Back then when having 3 games to play was a royalty, I would be happy playing the same game over and over again, trying new things. Like Super Mario Brothers 2 for instance, did you ever try to beat the entire
game using only Luigi.

Nowadays I have the finances to play and buy basically any game I want. Even if I don’t leave my house I can download games to play. But I find too often not having anything to play, how is
that possible?

I remember back in grade school, and this is a true story. We were on a field trip; I want to say to a museum, as you can tell I never paid attention. Anyways, I had two pennies in my pocket as we walked past a wishing fountain. First wish was to have every single GI-Joe action figure.
That dream never actually came true; it could though if I wanted it to. I use to have a WWE wrestling ring. Forget trying to use the stupid WWE wrestling figures to wrestling with. None of them ever moved. Okay so Savage could do his off the top rope elbow, but could I really justify an entire match between JYD and Savage, with Savage only performing that move.
Brutus Beefcakes ‘bendy’ figure had one finger pointing on one hand. Okay finger to the eye, that is cool once or twice, but the whole match. Now that I think about it. Did Brutus even have a finishing move? I remember him getting a pin against Windham and Rotunda by using their manager’s lit cigar on his cheek. But I think Valentine always got the pin.

Back to the GI Joe’s I had my own wrestling league. I created my own roster, my own champions, every night I would have my own matches. The new Storm Shadow was my heavyweight champion. He was the veteran of the group. I can tell you that Iceberg, I think that was his name, he gave the best dropkicks. Don’t ask me why. Dr. Mindbender reminded me of Tito Santana. Man he would hit you with the flying burrito ‘forearm’ from anywhere in the
ring. My dad had an old little stool from WMMS with the buzzard on it. I used that for Scaffold matches. It worked perfectly. I even created a belt out of notebook paper and covered it in electrical tape. Sorry.

Alright back to the wishing fountain. I launched my last penny into the fountain wishing to own arcade copies of Dragon’s Lair and Space Ace. I accomplished the Dragon’s Lair game, had it for PS1 I think. Space Ace I downloaded for MAME on the PC. To be honest I downloaded arcade games that I remembered I use to pump quarters into at Chuck E Cheese or that damn
arcade next to the movie theater at the Great Lakes Mall. I still have the games. Do I ever play them, NO.? I probably should. I mean infinite quarters for Ikari Warriors or UN Squadron? Midnight Resistance, one of the best arcade games of all time, if you haven’t played it, check it out. I have all these games at my grasps but never play them. I mean playing with
a PC controller on a 19 inch monitor is not the same as standing at a cabinet, having the smell of B.O. in the air, smashing the fire button and drinking an 80 oz soda.

Anyways just some of my random thoughts. Nothing has to make sense on a blog does it? I will leave you with this. Watch Robot Chicken. If you have the chance. Hilarious. It will take you back to yester-year. I just saw a remake of Cannibal Run, with a guy from M.A.S.K., Bo and Luke Duke in the General Lee, some GI Joe’s in a vehicle. Etc…… Funny stuff.

Introducing the next great American pastime: beer pong.

by Rick Reilly

There is only one place I know that combines tiny balls, plastic cups and vats of beer. Besides Jose Canseco's house, that is.

It's a beer pong tournament. This is a sport that requires a steady hand, faulty hearing and a titanium liver. It's believed that 73% of all tuition money goes toward it.

Beer pong is played on a table slightly smaller than Ping-Pong's, by teams of two. Ten cups, filled about one-third with beer, are set like bowling pins at the ends. As you try to toss or bounce a Ping-Pong ball into the cups on the side opposite yours, opponents jump and yell unspeakables about your mother. If you make it, they must drink it. First team to sink all 10 cups wins. It's very sophisticated.

But the beer pong I play is nothing like the kind in the World Series of Beer Pong, which I covered recently at the Flamingo Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas. That's where North America's 414 best pong teams competed for the $50,000 first prize. Second prize: bubkes. Gulp.

You have never seen such large people throw such tiny objects into such small receptacles with such hair-raising frequency. The best teams hit about 70% of their shots on the eight-foot tables. That's like pitching a quarter into a parking meter slot seven times out of 10.

Full Story Here.

Salty's Thoughts: We've been dominating this for years. Welcome, world.

Eagles Win; and Sunday Football

7 - 7 in the Chargers vs. Steelers game

I wasn't even going to watch. Knowing the game was in Pittsburgh, knowing they were favored, and knowing I'd see some 3-tooth fan waving a Terrible Towel just isn't my favorite pot of chili.

Yet, here I am, watching the game. Willie Parker is slicing and dicing like a knife infomercial at 4am. You always think, "I gotta get those", then you wake up with tortilla chip crumbs on your shirt and the faint taste of Whiskey in your mouth. Don't judge.

Beanie Wells has confirmed that he's going Pro, Tim Tebow has confirmed he's staying. Can't blame either of them. Being some sort of God on Florida's campus has its obvious perks.

Antonio Gates was just tackled by James Harrison. Kent State, what? I didn't go there, but I did visit quite a bit.

Mewelde Moore makes my blood boil. The guy was at home one day playing Wii and the Steelers called. After losing Mendenhall and Parker to injuries, he was back to the prime time. He's dominated. The Browns can't get that production from their 1st string RB's, let alone a FA.

Read Les Levine's article today. He also causes me to itch. Sometimes it's not fair, because I compare him to the great Hal Lebovitz, but he still irks me. He, however, is a fan of the Indians off season. I'm 50/50 on it. I sure hope it works. I'm going to Opening Day. Find me, buy me a beer.

3rd and 7, Steelers come up short. They line up for 4th down and are going for it. San Diego calls a timeout. Isn't it weird that San Diego was named for a Whale's vagina? Really, it was. Ask Ron Burgandy.

Since LT is out, hurt, I think Derrick Sproles favorite quote is, "I am a star. I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a star. I am a big, bright, shining star. That's right."

HOW ABOUT THOSE CAVS? Beating up on the Celtics, all while missing the big Z? Amazing game. We were riled up. Playoff atmosphere for sure. Write that down. I said it first, haha.

Phillip Rivers goes DEEP to Vincent Jackson. Steelers brought the house. It does look like the ball pops out a bit as it hits the ground. The crowd wants to trade in their Terrible Towels for Red Flags. So much Yellow and Black. It's like Kryptonite.

Little rhyming for you...

Has anyone seen the Cavs coach that looks like Dynomite? (See picture) Seriously, it's spitting image. Thumb didn't believe me on Friday.

Of course the call gets overturned. Boy, it must be nice to be a Steelers fan. Sure, it wasn't a catch, but how about a break here and there?

I just read a thing that said that before the 2008 Browns season, Romeo Crennel told his team that finishing 10-6 in 2007 was nothing to be proud of. If that's true, why did he get an extension? Somebody was smoking the funny tabacoo. I'm just saying...

I do love seeing NFL players get all fired up about making a routine tackle. When I leave a voicemail for someone tomorrow at work, I'm going to storm out of my office and start kicking my legs in the air, and scream so hard I spit 11 feet.

3rd and 2 for the Steelers, just shy of 6 minutes left in the first half. Fantastic tackle by the Chargers to hold him a few yards behind the line. FAKE PUNT!

Chargers stop them anyways. Woo-friggin-hoo! 162 towels just fluttered to the field.

Chargers get the ball inside the Steelers 50. Sproles gets stopped.

This games audio sounds great. "See this system here? This is Hi-Fi... high fidelity. What that means is that it's the highest quality fidelity." - Buck Swope

Buck's a quality guy.

Woodley is laying the hurt stick on the Chargers. 3rd and 12 here for the Chargers. Throws to Gates. They are surely in FG range.

I rented the movie with Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro. Kinda stoked to watch it tonight.

"Wait a minute. You come into my house, my party, to tell me about the future? That the future is tape, videotape, and not film? That it's amateurs and not professionals? I'm a filmmaker, which is why I will *never* make a movie on tape. "

Some Sports Stuff...S x3

Florida and Oklahoma are tied at 7 each.

Florida is -5 in this game, and the over under is 70.

I took Florida and the Under. Parlay. $.10 on it. Hot dog.

The Browns hired Eric Mangini. I dig the signing. Not overly excited, not disappointed. Now we need a GM.

Cavs vs the Celtics tomorrow. Some fellas coming over the house so we can watch it on the big tube. Big Game. Bottom line. Cavs don't have Z, so it'll be interesting to see how they do against the Mean Green. Celts have cooled off, Cavs won last night by 30.

Ohio State's final few seconds loss to the Longhorns still ruins my week. Reports are saying Beanie Wells is going Pro. Can't blame him, just hope he stays healthy. It's officially Terrelle Pryor time in Cbus. Not that it wasn't before, but he had others around him on offense, now he's the man. Do it.

Tim Tebow can really avoid the pass rush. Drives me nuts. Reminds me of when they played Ohio State. You kept thinking, "we almost got him. 1 more inch and that WR doesn't catch that ball." Yet he continues doing it.

During the Cavs game last night, I can honestly say that I've never seen more Technical Fouls called in one game. Hell, Boobie Gibson got one for not having his shirt tucked in. Um, what?

Oklahoma is doing a great job so far of stopping Tebow on the run. They are much more physical up front so far. Lots of time left, let's see if they can continue that script.

TEBOW PICKED OFF! The Ugly Oklahoma band rejoices! Juice boxes and Animal Crackers for everyone!

That's 2 INT's for Tebow. He threw 2 all year. Oklahoma runs it inside the 10. Major turnover. Major Dad, remember that show? Classic.

Chris Brown down to about the 2, maybe 1. 3rdDown. Looks like Oklahoma is going to run it. The band is crying.

Jumbo set. I formation. Chris Brown is stopped at the 1 yard line! Brandon Spikes with the stop. Chances are he IS from Painesville.

Logging off for now, I have a basement to finish sweeping.

New Rivalries!

Most Northeast Ohio sports fans will still - to this day - tell you that our main rivals are teams that actually don't matter much anymore.

There has been a shift in recent years and the new rivals need to be recognized.

CLEVELAND BROWNS:

With the Cleveland Browns, we typically associate the biggest rival to be the Pittsburgh Steelers.  That may hold true in the present day.  Also, the Baltimore Ravens come to mind.  This may also hold true today.  But the Denver Broncos rivalry can be thought about as a thing of the past.  The Drive took place 22 years ago.  The Fumble is 23 years old.  Let's move on already.  John Elway hasn't taken a snap in almost 10 years so there are no real ties to the heartbreak of the 80s anymore.  Let's move on from Denver, embrace the Pittsburgh and Baltimore rivalries, and shed some light on the Browns' newest rival: the Cincinnati Bengals.

Yes, the Bengals have always kinda-sorta been a mild rival of the Browns, but that is only because both teams play in the same division and both located within Ohio.

The reason why we must push the Bengals into the forefront of Cleveland Browns football rivalries is because the Bengals - even though they have stunk it up pretty bad - have pretty much owned us in recent years.

It has seemed like if we are not involved in a classic shootout with the Bengals, we lose.  We have even lost some of the shootouts.  Dating back five years to the 2004 season, we beat the Bengals at home but lost a high-scoring game later in the season by a score of 58-48.  In 2005 we dropped both games, 27-13 and 23-20.  In 2006 we lost both again, 34-17 the first time, then we were shut out 30-0 in the second game.  Last year we won that memorable shootout 51-45 and rolled through the season, until Week 16 when the Bengals pretty much crushed our playoff hopes with a 19-14 win.  That was a game we should have won easily, but the Browns apparently don't look forward to the Battle of Ohio matchup as much as the Bengals do.  They came to play, we didn't.  That lost dropped us to 9-6.  We finished 10-6, but should have been 11-5 and in the postseason.  This season we beat the Bengals 20-12 in Week 4, but that didn't matter at all because the Bengals shut us out for a second time in a four-year-span with a 14-0 win in Week 16.  Throughout the 2008 season the Browns were never really considered to be as lousy as the Bengals.  The Bengals we down another tier sitting aside the Lions and Rams in the basement dumps of the NFL.  The then after Week 17, a quick glance at the final regular season standings reflected that the Bengals had somehow finished 4-11-1, and the Browns were 4-12 and in last place, one-half game behind the lowly Bengals.

CLEVELAND INDIANS

The big rival for some reason has always been the New York Yankees.  Aren't the Yankees every team's rival in some way, perhaps because of their large payroll and lineup filled with All-Star caliber players and prospects?  We've had many a postseason battle with the Yankees and we've gotten the best of them more than they have gotten the best of us.

Since the "new" Indians came around with the new stadium, we have played the Yankees in the postseason 3 times and have won 2 of those series.

The real rivals here are the Chicago White Sox.  Although during this 13-year-window we have never played the White Sox in the postseason, they always seem to stink up our city whenever they visit.  This dates all the way back to when Albert Belle made his return to Jacobs Field after abandoning the Tribe for big money in a bigger city that could afford a bigger payroll.  Ever since that first series when Belle came back to Cleveland wearing a Chicago uniform, we hated the White Sox, but never really considered them our chief rivals.  Even when Jim Thome landed in the Windy City, we of course still embraced innocent, fun-loving Thome, but we should have taken that opportunity to clench our fists, blow off some steam and direct our frustration toward the White Sox.  Only we didn't.

Let us not forget that disappointing 2005 season when the young Indians team got off to a poor start, had a really cold streak in July, then caught fire in August.  The Tribe cut a 15.5 game deficit to the White Sox down to 1.5 games going into the last seven games of the season.  We ended up losing six of those seven, five of them by one run, and missing the playoffs by only two games.  And how can I not mention that we dropped the final three games all to the White Sox by scores of 3-2 ... 4-3 ... and 3-1.  Overall for the season, we were 3-13 against them.

In 2006 and 2008 the White Sox finished ahead of us in the standings although we had much higher expectations than they did at the start of those seasons.

CLEVELAND CAVALIERS

The one sick logo that comes to minds for Cavs fans here is that dreadful red snorting Chicago Bull.

Sure, the Bulls killed us and dashed our hopes again and again when they had Michael Jordan.  The Bulls ousted the Cavs from the playoffs five times during Jordan's tenure in Chicago, once in the Eastern Conference Finals.  I can appreciate the hate here.  But the tides have turned and you cannot consider the Bulls rivals anymore when arguably the best player in the league is not on our team and the Bulls struggle to field a competitive team like the Cavs did in the late 80s and early 90s, when Jordan ruled.  The only justified booing at Cavs-Bulls games these days is because two very ugly, sloppy-playing, overpaid former Cavaliers in Drew Gooden and Larry Hughes play for them.

It is somewhat difficult to tag one team as the chief rival for the Cavaliers.  Detroit beat us in the playoffs in 2005-06, and they're always battling Cleveland for the division ... but still, we trounced them in the 2006-07 Eastern Conference Finals when nobody gave us a chance.

My pick for the Cavs rivals are the Denver Nuggets and the Washington Wizards.  The Wizards do suck, sure, but their players and their fans are always hating on Cleveland's Cavalier teams for whatever reason.  Maybe it's because they have been sent packing by the Cavs in the first round of the playoffs three years in a row, 4-2, a 4-0 sweep, and 4-2 last year.  But still, the Eastern Conference has been so weak that you couldn't really even consider Washington a true playoff team during those years.  They were marginal playoff teams at best.

The Cavs and Nuggets, on the other hand, seemed to have picked up on that old Cleveland-Denver football rivalry.  It's almost like we hate the Nuggets more because they are located in the Mile High City.  Then throw in the fact that Carmelo Anthony and LeBron James have a personal friendship-competitive rivalry ala Magic-Bird from the 80s, mix in a little bit of reckless play and high-scoring battles where the teams seem to play absolutely no defense, and you have yourself a classic rivalry every time these two teams meet on the hardwood.

OHIO STATE BUCKEYES

You can have the Michigan rivalry for tradition (first meeting was in 1897 ... National Titles: UM 11, OSU 7 ... Heisman Winners: OSU 7, UM 3 ... Bowl Appearances: OSU 39, UM 38 ... BCS Bowl Appearances: OSU 7, UM 4 ... Rose Bowl Games: UM 20, OSU 13 ... All-Americans: OSU 130, UM 126 ... Big Ten Titles: UM 42, OSU 33), but it's really not much of a rivalry anymore.  At least not until Michigan fields a competitive team again and even still, they have to prove that they can beat the Buckeyes in the regular-season finale.

Michigan owned Ohio State during the John Cooper era from 1988 to 2000.  Cooper's record vs. Michigan was 2-10-1.  In fact, Cooper started out 0-5-1 in his first six seasons against the Wolverines.

But then Ohio State made a very smart decision when they hired Jim Tressel.  From 2001 to 2008, Tressel has led the Buckeyes to a 7-1 record vs. the Wolverines.  Those scores were 26-20 ... 14-9 ... 21-35 (loss) ... 37-21 ... 25-21 ... 42-39 (#1 OSU vs. #2 UM matchup) ... 14-3 ... and 42-7.

The chief rival now for the Buckeyes is a strange one.  It is any Top 25 team they play from either the SEC, Big 12 or PAC-10.  And that's it.  In recent years Ohio State has choked in big games vs. the big teams from these conferences.  And it seems like when Ohio State plays in these games, fans of the opposition come out of the woodworks and start talking all sorts of trash about how 1) their conference is better and the Big Ten is overrated, and 2) how they are going to win.  And usually, they do end up winning.

Go back to the 2000 and 2001 Outback Bowls.  Both matchups were OSU vs. South Carolina (SEC).  South Carolina won both games, 24-7 and 31-28.  2005 regular season.  OSU vs. Texas (Big 12).  Texas won 25-22.  Take the 2006 BCS Championship Game.  OSU vs. Florida (SEC).  Florida embarrassed us 41-14.  How about the 2007 BCS Championship Game.  OSU vs. LSU (SEC)  LSU won easily, 38-24.  2008 regular season.  OSU vs. USC (PAC-10).  USC destroyed us 35-3.  And this year's Fiesta Bowl.  OSU vs. Texas (Big 12).  Texas won 24-21.

RECAP

If you like the Browns, you hate the Steelers, Ravens, and now more than anyone ... the Bengals.

If you like the Indians, you hate the White Sox.  The Yankees have fallen off the rivalry radar.

If you like the Cavs, you hate the Wizards and Nuggets.  The Bulls have fallen off the rivalry radar.

If you like the Buckeyes, you hate Top 25 teams from the SEC, Big 12 and PAC-10.  Michigan has temporarily fallen off the rivalry radar.

Just want to throw this out there

If you are not already sick of the success of the Baltimore Ravens and even more sick of the lack of success of the Cleveland Browns, here are some simple numbers to get your blood boiling.

These statistics are from 1999-2008 for the Browns and from 1996-2008 for the Ravens (Cleveland did not field a team for three seasons from 1996-98).

Regular season record:

Browns 54-106.  Winning percentage .338.

Ravens 107-100-1.  Winning percentage .514.

Playoff record:

Browns 0-1.  Winning percentage .000.

Ravens 6-3.  Winning percentage .667.

Playoff appearances:

Browns 1 in 10 years.

Ravens 5 in 13 years.

Super Bowl record:

Browns 0-0.

Ravens 1-0.

Number of head coaching changes:

Browns 4 in 10 years.

Ravens 2 in 13 years.

Starting quarterbacks:

Browns 13 ...

 - Ty Detmer

 - Tim Couch

 - Doug Pederson

 - Spergon Wynn

 - Kelly Holcomb

 - Jeff Garcia

 - Luke McCown

 - Trent Dilfer

 - Charlie Frye

 - Derek Anderson

 - Brady Quinn

 - Ken Dorsey

 - Bruce Gradkowski

Ravens 16 ...

 - Vinny Testaverde

 - Eric Zeier

 - Jim Harbaugh

 - Tony Banks

 - Stoney Case

 - Scott Mitchell

 - Trent Dilfer

 - Elvis Grbac

 - Randall Cunningham

 - Jeff Blake

 - Chris Redman

 - Kyle Boller

 - Anthony Wright

 - Steve McNair

 - Troy Smith

 - Joe Flacco

Winning seasons (or at least .500):

Browns 2 in 10 years.

Ravens 7 in 13 years.

Seasons with at least 10 losses:

Browns 7 in 10 years.

Ravens 4 in 13 years.

Wins vs. each other:

Browns 7.

Ravens 13.

Points scored vs. each other:

Browns 309 (15.5 ppg vs. Ravens).

Ravens 464 (23.2 ppg vs Browns).

Number of games offense was held to less than 10 points scored (including playoffs):

Browns 45 of 161.

 - Browns held to less than 10 points 27.9% of the time.  That's better than once every 4 games.

Ravens 31 of 217.

 - Ravens held to less than 10 points 14.3% of the time.

Number of games defense held opponent to less than 10 points scored (including playoffs):

Browns 13 of 161.

 - Browns held opponents to less than 10 points 8.1% of the time.

Ravens 41 of 217.

 - Ravens held opponents to less than 10 points 18.9% of the time.

Total shutouts pitched:

Browns have thrown 3 shutouts.

Ravens have thrown 9 shutouts.

Total shutouts by opponents:

Browns have been shut out 11 times.

Ravens have been shut out 2 times.

Well, at least the Baltimore has had just as lousy a time finding a quarterback as we've had.

Orakpo your Next Cleveland Brown?

Tomorrow night during Texas beatdown of the Buckeyes, checkout defensive end Brian Orakpo.  Whether the Browns stick to the 3-4 or move to the 4-3 Orakpo could be a possibility at DE or moved to OLB like Wimbley.  Good read below on him.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/bowls08/columns/story?columnist=schlabach_mark&id=3809421&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab2pos1

Lazy Sunday

Just sitting in the basement, watching the Cavs, and checking in on the Baltimore vs. Dolphins game. Four guys (Jake*, Thumb, Binsk & myself) enjoying the last day of vacation, some sushi and some fresh cheese and crackers. Feels good to use my new knife and cutting board, not to mention my new mustards,

Thumb's drinking Vitamin Water (Energy flavor - yellow), Jake* is sitting quietly in the chair, my brother...well...he keeps going upstairs (guess we're boring) and I'm having some milk. It does a body good.

Thumb is also in charge of the remote control, because I'm typing, and right now I think we are missing some of the Cavs game. For the record, he just gave me the stink eye. I may use my knife on him after I run out of cheese.

Just a few more notes to think about...

I'm over the $2.00 mark on CentSports. Be jealous.

Joe Flacco continues to impress. Baltimore is up 10-3, Flacco just went deep to Derrick Mason, they are now back in the Red Zone. They are reviewing it.

Ohio State takes on Golden Boy Colt McCoy and the Texas Longhorns tomorrow. I am not a Colt fan. I prefer he stays home and plays Tetris.

Derrick Mason drug both toes in like a Ballerina. Count it.

"I know what state I'm in, Jack. State of California." - Dirk Diggler

The jury is out as to whether Jake* is a fan of the movie Boogie Nights. If he isn't, he can leave.

Todd Parker just arrived. We thought he was at work, but then remembered he doesn't dance on Sundays.

We have some pork ribs and sauerkraut in the Crockpot, basically it feels good to be Gangster.

Ray Lewis is still intimidating. If you disagree, I think you are Pinocchio.

Todd Heap needs to stay healthy.

I took the remote control back. Jake* jumped me because I didn't put on the HD station right away. We're spoiled in this basement. 67" TV makes it look like LeBron is going to toss chalk on your mug.

I will post more shortly, I have to cut the cheese. Get it...cut the cheese? ha. Third grade. Don't judge.